Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
