Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
