Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
