I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
