Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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