She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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