In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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