this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
