you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
