i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
