Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
