Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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