I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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