I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize