The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
