6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
