Will you blow on my dice?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
