Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
