just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
