Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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