I just pynch a tree in the face
Need sex. Gaining weight.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
