five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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