I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
