bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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