it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
