Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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