At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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