Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
