I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
