im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
