Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
