Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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