I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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