either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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