you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
