Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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