my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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