She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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