i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
