I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
