I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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