My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
