did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have fence marks all over my body
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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