I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
