Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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