arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
