I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my shit smells like andre
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
