Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
