i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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