Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
