so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
