The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
