I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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