The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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