Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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