i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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